The Day After

We got up early Saturday morning and headed to Eleanor's house to continue boxing things up.  The plan was to work until mid-afternoon then head home.  She had a beautiful Lenox set of China that was supposed to go to Dennis but he didn't want it so little Denny and his wife Karen came and got it.

Tom's dad worked at the Lenox factory part time after he retired so we all got some lovely Lenox pieces over the years.  Some were seconds and had a little chip here and there, but they were still usable and beautiful.

We boxed up everything in her kitchen as well.  Eleanor's father (Nicholas) was a chef so he had some great old knives.  Eleanor was a great cook as well and has passed that skill to Marie.  Joe and Dennis had already gotten everything they wanted so we picked out some things to keep for ourselves and some things for our kids to have.  Also pulled aside some items we were pretty sure Marie would want.

 Some treasures in the basement!

 Tom's dad took up golf later in life and loved it!  Almost as much as he loved scouring the courses for lost golf balls.  We found this trunk full of them!

 Tom found several flags that needed to be burned.

 We decided to leave Eleanor's room so Marie could go through it herself.

Some of the stuff was very dusty and Eleanor's cat had left hair everywhere.  I had a very runny nose once my allergy pill wore off.  Marie has taken in the cat, by the way.  I'm sure El is pleased about that. I didn't realize how late we had worked but Marie called to suggest we stay the night, leave in the morning and go to dinner with she and Victor.  I thought it was about 3 PM but it was 6!!  We finished up, ran to her place, changed and met Victor at The Crab Trap.  He bought us a heavenly meal (he suggested the crab cakes and oh my gosh, they were the best I've ever had!) and told us stories of starting his business.  He's done very well but is one of the most down to earth, sweet, generous and positive people I know.  Everywhere we go with him, people know and love him.  All the servers flock to him in any restaurants we go to because I'm sure he leaves generous tips, but mostly because he shows interest in them and their lives.  Anyway, it was a lovely way to wrap up another busy day.  Marie did our laundry for us so we could get to bed and we got up early again so we could make a pit stop at El's house, put a few more things away and vacuum before a realtor comes this week to look at it.  Still plenty of stuff to go through but that's for another weekend.

We drove home via Philadelphia while we listened to Willa Cather's O Pioneers!  It was nice to just listen.

Eleanor's Service

Tom and I drove home Easter afternoon and spent the rest of the week scanning pictures, putting together a dvd and trying to help plan the service and after luncheon. It makes me a little crazy because I am a planner and an organizer and I want to know what's happening, who is making it happen and what the timetable looks like.  Tom's family.....not so much.  So it's been a week of trying to not step on toes, not take over, keeping in mind it is THEIR mom, but still have a nice service.

After a few tense days it finally ended up being a lovely service that I think would have made her very happy.  Marie and Victor are friends with an 89 year old monsignor who conducted the service and didn't do a Catholic mass but just some lovely prayers and scripture readings.  Joey read a section from the gospels, Tom wrote and delivered a beautiful eulogy and I sang "I'll Be Seeing You" which is lovely old tune from the 40's that is especially meaningful for World War II veterans.

When you're 89 years old you don't have a lot of contemporaries come to your service but there were neighbors, friends of Tom's siblings, and family.  During these past few months there have been some difficult times but there has also been reconciliation over past hurts so in the end, Eleanor would have been very happy I think.

Victor, Monsignor and Marie

The black box is her cremated remains.

Kathy, Dennis and daughter, Nicole

Joey, Dennis, Eleanor's brother Bill, Marie, Tom and their cousin Susan.

Siblings and spouses

The family before dad Joe passed away in 1997

 Dennis had to go back to work, Joe and Karen had to finish packing as they were taking off the next morning for NC where he's starting a new job, and Marie went to run errands so Tom and I cleaned up after the buffet luncheon at her house. Tons of food left over so we were able to share a bunch and we'll have plenty for days. After she got back the three of us treated ourselves to a walk on the boardwalk in Brigantine to just relax and have some fresh salt air in our faces. It was heavenly.

Eleanor

Photo that Tom took of his mom several weeks ago

 We hadn't planned to spend Easter in NJ because I was supposed to teach Sunday School and we planned to go the following weekend.  But Saturday afternoon, Marie called and said that Eleanor's condition had changed, so we threw our stuff together, arranged for a substitute teacher and raced to NJ.

 We went straight to the rest home. Eleanor was on oxygen and her breathing was irregular and rattled. Her eyes were closed and she was unresponsive though we tried to wake her to tell her we were there. We were there a while by ourselves then Marie came back from dinner and their brother Dennis came by.  Joey and Karen were in the process of moving the boat from Charleston to New Bern, NC.  They had gotten held up in bad weather so there was no way for him to get there.  Marie had held her phone up so Joe could talk to mom and the same with Eleanor's brother, Bill.

There was a definite change in her, but nobody said to us that death was imminent.  I guess I was expecting better communication with the family and hospice but when I asked that night before we left about it, Marie said that the nurse on duty was in communication with hospice and they would call us if anything changed.  The nurse did say we could stay through the night and asked if she had a rosary which, as we look back on it should have been hints that it was close, but it just didn't register.  When grandma was nearing death, hospice was very clear with us that the end was near so we were with her the whole time.

Easter morning we got up, looked through the booklet that hospice had given us that had the list of things to watch for that would indicate death was near. Most of them applied to Eleanor except the surge of energy which clearly wasn't going to happen.  Tom and I left Marie's to go to El's house to see if we could find her rosary and we were going to meet Marie at the rest home.  We couldn't find the rosary so we had just pulled in to a store to buy her one when Marie called and said the nurse had just contacted her that Eleanor had passed.  We raced over there and were the first to arrive.  We must have missed it by minutes because she was still warm.  Even though we had all talked to her night before, expressing love and letting her know it was okay to go.....we were all still sick that she was by herself when she actually passed.

Marie, Dennis and his son Denny all arrived and we stayed with her awhile.  The woman from hospice came and said that Eleanor had apparently had her surge of energy Thursday night when she was sitting up and eating.....but no one had mentioned it to the family.  I just wish there had been better communication between them all.  However, Eleanor has been ready to go for quite a while and when I think of her being reunited with all of her friends and family who have been gone for a long, long time, I am really happy that she has transitioned into her new life.

I love this photo of her.  She was a great cook and she looks so happy!

BYU Management Society Dinner

 I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I had volunteered to help out with this annual dinner.  It's held each Spring at the Crystal Gateway Marriott and is held to acknowledge scholarship recipients as well as honoring others.

 So Thursday afternoon I met Judy (who is organizing this little extravaganza) at Wilson Florist to pick up all the flowers.  Jean, who owns the floral shop is in Judy's stake and had designed the floral arrangements for us and the other volunteers to put together the following day at Judy's house.  The Marriott had let us borrow the tall vases.  The table cloths were a shiny silver so Jean had designed the arrangements in a red and white motif.....which turned out to be pretty funny when we opened the door and all these BYU graduates came in.....a sea of RED awaited them!  Anyway, Judy and I got quite a bit done on Thursday between cutting flowers, misting, cutting and gluing the shiny beading for the vases so we were in really good shape when all the volunteers arrived Friday morning. In fact what was scheduled to be most of the day & evening turned into just a couple of hours allowing me to run a few errands out in her neck of the woods.

 

We got there early on Saturday to put everything together and the tables turned out beautifully. Our guest speaker was Sheri Dew who had sent enough books that every attendee got two as favors in their gift bags.

Really bad photo or they're all being translated......

Entertainment was by the Mormon Choir of DC who did a couple of songs then Sheri Dew spoke. She was terrific and really spoke off the cuff about men and women in the workplace.  She spoke of being unmarried and her struggles with that, and how she often has to speak about the power that the LDS church gives women in a world that perceives them as being persecuted.  I didn't get the impression that she planned on talking about that, but I could be wrong.  Anyway, I thought she was awesome.

Sheri Dew

It took us some time to break everything down at the end but it was fun giving away the flowers to all the volunteers who had helped and everyone was thrilled with their gift bags.  The Metro leaves right from the lobby of the hotel and man, oh man, were my feet killing me.  I took the long ride home to just relax and to gather up enough foot strength to finish the walk home from the metro to our apartment.  Rolled in about 11:30 pm and enjoyed a nice hot bath after a great evening.

Our Father's Farm or Taylor's Excellent Adventure

So, as I've mentioned here before, Taylor has a keen interest in being self-reliant, living off the grid, being self-supporting, etc.  He doesn't really plan to have a career in commercial farming but our friends Tom and Dalliss Furhmann have some land in VA (about a 4 hour drive from DC) and Tom has a brother who has adjoining property which he farms with pasture raised beef, poultry, eggs, milk, etc.  So when the opportunity arose for my Tom and Taylor to join other Tom on a weekend adventure, they jumped on it.

 Our Father's Farm has an interesting back story which you can read on their website, but Jack's family spent 7 years as missionaries in Africa before settling on the farm.  They don't use hormones, synthetic chemicals or antibiotics and subscribe to natural farming techniques.  The whole organic aspect of it is what most appeals to Taylor.  Though he is really more interested in the growing of organic plants and food, this part of it is attractive to him in terms of having just enough milk, eggs, etc. to keep him self-sustained. We've got 1/3 acre at home in Farmington and I think he's got his eyes set on turning our backyard into a mini farm.  He's talked about bee keeping as well.  Yikes!

Tom and his brother Jack with one of Jack's 8 children

Checking out the pond with one of Jack's boys and his friend

They got to help on the farm while they were there.  Setting up a new greenhouse.

More family photos but this one includes Tom and Jack's mother (Grandmere-she is french!) who also lives there.

Tom brought his gun with him for a little target shooting so Taylor gave it try.

 The "boys" came home plenty dirty after a full day of work, play and animals!  They also brought home some tasty things for our freezer.  We're grateful they let Taylor have the opportunity and for the hospitality they showed them.

Foggy Bottom

Old hair clippers but I like this cute little suitcase

Now that Eleanor is moved into the Seashore Gardens Living Center, Tom and his siblings are trying to get her house ready to sell.  While he was in NJ over the weekend they went over and started going through things.  A few treasures he brought home: 

Yep, that's a KitchenAid mixer!

Trinkets for Taylor to go through

A huge box of letters that he saved from when he was in the service.  I won't tell you how tall the pile of "old girl friend" letters was!

I met my friend Dalliss at the Foggy Bottom Metro station.  She's helping me with a project and this is about half way for us, PLUS she had never been to the Kennedy Center and I thought it would be fun to head there.   I like this Metro stop because it's always bustling with activity.  It's right outside George Washington University Hospital, the university itself, and the free Kennedy Center shuttle picks up every 15 minutes so there are always cool people hanging around.  Great for people watching  AND a little flower stand where the proprietor sells pretty bunches of roses for $5

 

We had a great walk around the Center (bazillions of kids there with their schools) then found a booth in the KC Cafe that we took over for a couple of hours of lunch and talk.  Great day!